Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
