I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
