Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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