He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
