Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
