So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
