The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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