She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
me + whiskey = a bad person
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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