I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
