I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
