You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
