just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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