Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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