Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
