So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize