Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You can't just leave with hair like that
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize