I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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