I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
