I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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