this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
