You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
