I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
