If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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