Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
