Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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