Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
