Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
