I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
