all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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