We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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