More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my mouth tastes like poor choices
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
