The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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