it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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