i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
