we're chasing vodka with high fives
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
