he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
