i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
