A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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