woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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