Cold hands, warm shart.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
