Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
