Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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