that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
