yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
