I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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