i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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