Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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