Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
