the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize