Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
