New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
