okay pat passed out under dana's car
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
