I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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