C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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