i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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