SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
