btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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