dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
