Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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