Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
