everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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