just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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