Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
