dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
