I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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