pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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