I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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