Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
