my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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