I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
